and i have to tell you…that inspired me.

i look at some of the art i have made in the past and i have mixed feelings about it. the paintings i want to paint over. the books that don’t look right. the jewelry that i don’t want to show to anyone. the zines that i look at now and wonder what was i thinking when i wrote/compiled them. i haven’t looked at my poetry in several years.

and i’m not sure what to do with that art. do i hide it? destroy it? give it away? rework it?

most of the art i’ve made up to this point hasn’t had all of me in it. i’ve made pieces in my spare time. or to use up supplies. or because i’ve felt that i had to make something and my heart wasn’t really in it. or as solace after a day of working at a soul sucking job (and i’ve had plenty of those).

Fabeku Fatunmise says in his post In The Fight Or In The Flow? that fighting to get through the stuck can make things harder. you push against the stuck and it pushes back.

i wonder if there’s a correlation there. Philip says art doesn’t need a reason to exist, and Fabeku is all about being in the flow.

so could it be that when you’re in the flow that you don’t question why you’re making whatever it is that you’re making? when you’re trusting your gut/intuition/whatever and just doing what feels natural. choosing to walk away and take a break if it’s feeling forced.

realizing that no one except you can make what’s inside you come out.

of all the art i’ve ever made, this is my personal favorite. i created it one saturday afternoon at the ‘grand opening’ of my best friend vanesa’s print shop (which i worked at). she encouraged me to sit in front of the computer and play with paintshop pro x and see what happened.

and what happened was that i tapped into something that i hadn’t felt before. i went with the flow and came out on the other side with an incredible piece of art.

i think i’ve gotten away from that over the past couple years. i spent some time at the down part of the roller coaster and withdrew inside myself, rejecting anything that made me feel better.

after moving to florida and spending some time healing, i feel i’ve started to find my groove again.

art doesn’t need a reason to exist. make art simply because it’s possible.

comment zen:
*if you go over to the art heroes radio page i linked above, come back and tell me your thoughts on the videos posted.
*do you push through your stuck? do you offer it a snack and check in later to see if it left on its own?

in my inbox today was an email by Alexia Petrakos from Thrive Creative Coaching. and it was a short email about superheroes. her’s looked fierce and brave and ready to take on the world, which inspired me to make my own. (you can make your own superhero, too.)

introducing…the impossible flying condor!

she’s wielding the mighty spork of destiny^TM!*

anyway…

there’s a fair amount going on over here in banterland. a bit too early to give out details, but i can say we will be heading for points north sometime soon.

in the meantime, i’m gearing up for a weekend along as sam travels up to georgia to visit his parents for Mother’s Day. i’m rather looking forward to it, in that it’s the first weekend he’s left me alone with transportation. two car household, for the win.

well, sort of. after reading a lot about living a car free lifestyle (which i have at various points in my life), part of me wants to not have the responsibility of a car. however, the neighborhood in which i live does not lend itself well to running errands in short distances. along with being a considerable distance from the nearest bus stop, and it seems inevitable to have a car. for now.

and today i leave you with my first piece of art in a long time. it is a work in progress, as i learn the ins and outs of my new wacom bamboo craft tablet. (sam and i made a deal: i get to buy the tablet if i’m willing to work with free/open source software. fortunately, the tablet came bundled with some art software so i have lots of choices.)

i don’t really have a solid “call to action” for you today. however, for comment zen, i’m looking for contructive feedback on the blue sun picture. also, should you go for making your own superhero, i’d love to see it! post it on the web somewhere and leave a link in the comments. if you’re too shy for that, send it to blog at banterstudio dot com.

and i leave you with this: *the mighty spork of destiny is a running joke with some people i know in second life. if you’re familiar with chat rooms at all, you could often see people ‘emoting’ as a way of interaction. and one of the running lines regards the spork of destiny. also, there is an actual prim spork at the bar sam and i have inside the game. perhaps i’ll post a photo sometime.

It was recorded by a man known as Torley Linden who writes and records his own music. While I watched him talk about how he works in his studio and give suggestions to other people on how they might do the same thing, I saw that he didn’t run down out of things to say as he went along. In fact, instead of having less to say after a while, one idea seemed to lead to another then another and before long, his ideas seemed to take flight and carry the discussion forward faster and further all on their own.

Why did his energy level build up so much? Why did he seem to come up with more related topics, little jokes and fun tangents as he went on? I think it’s because he hasn’t forgotten how to play. When I’m writing, I tend to be very focused on structure and grammar and detours just for fun. He makes jokes, forgets things, and leaves some threads loose. Here’s the link to the video.

I’ve done some things to train my mind to be more playful and spontaneous like Torley’s. Things didn’t turn around for me overnight, but I find myself sitting in front of the keyboard typing, no longer expecting my first draft to be perfect. There are little moments of discovery for me during writing now that weren’t happening before. Tiny green buds starting to form, and this can’t be a bad thing.

This week, I noticed that our bedroom gets a lot of natural light. The room having two windows would certainly help with that fact, but what I really noticed is that the light is perfect for making art. In actuality, the layout of the apartment is such that the room we use as the office/studio is likely meant as the master bedroom, with its own walk-in bathroom. However, when Sam moved in a few years ago, he opted to make the other bedroom his own, because of the quietness of being on the corner of the building.

I was in no way suggesting that we swap the rooms (mostly because of the effort involved in such a feat), and told Sam that what I may do is lay down a drop cloth and paint in the bedroom.

I’ve noticed that since buying the laptop, the amount of time I spend in the (rather dark and drab) office/studio is nearly nothing. The sole window has the balcony/steps overhang over it, so while light does come in the room, it’s nowhere near as bright. The living room window is the same, except that it is larger.

I’m trying to reconcile the fact that 94% of the items in the apartment preceded me and belong to Sam. I, of course, have free use of just about everything, but it is difficult for me to start rearranging space without his input, because, well, he was here first. I de-cluttered so much of my stuff before I made the move, so I have little to pare down now. Unfortunately, this leaves Sam to do most of the work of sorting, because I don’t know if some book that hasn’t moved in the last six months is a book that was a gift, or if he was ready to part with it ages ago and just hadn’t. Then I’d have to interrupt him to ask, and the whole process would just take eight times as long to do.

My part is boxing/bagging up what is leaving the apartment. It’s about all I can do right now.

Anyway, I feel stifled creatively in the office/studio, so very little was done the first few months after I moved. Jewelry has been made since moving out to the living room, but the light in here isn’t the best, either.

Something Sam and I agreed on early was that our bedroom was to be a sanctuary. No video games, work, etc. Books are allowed, because we both like to read, and we’re reading through The Princess Bride right now together, as well as reading our own selections. The laptop has made appearances in there, but mostly is in other parts of the apartment. So, I feel mixed about taking art supplies into our sanctuary. On one hand, the light should be wonderful for working. On the other…it’s our sanctuary. No working.

For the sake of art actually being created, a compromise will either need to be made, or I’ll just have to get over my reluctance.

What do you do for creative space?

I’m ready for more. I want to start making art with my whole being, not just the socially acceptable side of myself, I want to peer deeper into myself and draw from my entire being. I read and go out into the world to learn. Now I want to use art to explore all of that I’ve been learning. To understand. To know.